What’s wrong with this sales script?
“Hello, Dave. My name is John Smith and I’m calling from Samsung. I help hiring managers like you reduce the time it takes to interview, hire, and onboard new talent in 50% less time than the industry average. How many new hires do you have planned for the year?”
Here’s what’s wrong…
#1 It’s super formal.
“My name is John Smith and I’m calling from Samsung.”
Drop your last name.
Drop your company name too.
At best, they’ll remember your first name NOT your last name. And your company name is irrelevant unless your a known brand. Even then it can create biases.
If you can actually solve their problem, at best you’ll be “John the AI guy” or “John the FinTech guy”on their speed dial.
#2. It’s super pitchy.
“…reduce the time it takes to interview, hire, and onboard new talent in 50% less time than the industry average…”
50% is a HUGE promise.
Huge promises are pitchy.
Huge pitches aren’t believable.
Huge pitches create sales friction.
#3. It’s super unfriendly.
When was the last time you used the word “reduce” with a friend.
Speak like a friend not a scholar.
Use one-syllable words, not two, or three-syllable words… or a slew of forgettable words.
Cut is better than “reduce.”
Hire is shorter than… “in-ter-view, hire, and on-board…”
#4. It’s super general.
“… the industry average”
Give the dog a name.
AI is better than “industry”
FinTech is better than “industry”
Don’t like “average” either.
Average is general. Average is boring. Drop average.
Just say “in AI.”
#5. It’s super intrusive.
“How many new hires do you have planned for the year?”
This question is intrusive.
What if you stump them?
Do you interrogate?
Be careful. You’re a stranger…
They might say… “that’s none of your business.” Click.
Ask permission to ask them a question.
I’d say this…
“Hi Dave. It’s Trevor. I help hiring managers cut their hiring time in FinTech. Could I ask you a question?”
Speak like a friend. Not a seller.